Joke Thread

[Doz]

Let's see what you got

[Doz]

[RMRanger]

Obama Fatigue

This is some good humor folks, funny stuff....lol

http://www.brasschecktv.com/page/931.html

[RMRanger]

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone
else to hold them while you chop.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use
a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the
duct tape.

[RMRanger]

3 times you're out

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once.'
"We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That twice.'
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead.
"I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once'."

[RMRanger]

14 lesser known Murphy's laws:


1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time,on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.

11. Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.

12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go to Court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[RMRanger]

The Kite

He was in his back yard trying to fly a kite.

He threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.

He tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while his wife was watching from the kitchen window,

Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opened the window and yelled to him,

'You need more tail.'

He turned and said,

'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

[RMRanger]

[Doz]

lol that one made me laugh, TY

[RMRanger]

Yeah i laughed quite abit from this one also, the guy just could not figure it out.....lmao